The lies that Emily Haney has told you..

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This is a long one.. but important.

So as some of you know, I had NO idea where to go with this blog post. Past, preset, future....turkey? No clue. I thought for a while and came up with this! This is a story that starts waayyyyyyyyy da funk back when. So let me take you on a little journey..don't worry, it will be fun!

Over the course of my life (22.11 years) I have officially lived in 14 houses/apartments. Yeah dude, 14. That is A LOT. I've went to 6 schools (8 including colleges) and have lived in 3 states. BOOM. Talk about commitment problems.. it was born unto me. Ha! This story begins in my second house in the ghetto of Dalton, GA at the ripe old age of maybe.. 4? This is also one of my earliest memories.

But first let me preface this story by telling you that I was raised by a single mother (shout out to momma!). We haven't always had the most perfect relationship by far, but she IS my momma. And I love her dearly. She done a hell of a job at raising me all by her lonesome! Okay sure, sometimes we didn't have power. Sometimes we sat by the stove to get warm and sometimes my only Christmas presents came from the church. Sometimes (most times) we had ramen noodles for dinner.. and guess what? I loved them. I loved ramen noodles for dinner as much as I loved hamburgers for dinner. I didn't know the difference. I got fake dollar general Barbies while the other kids got real ones and I never went on vacations while the other kids did. My mommy and I went to the park instead of the beach or we played in the fountain downtown VS the Niagara.. which I always thought that fountain was THE BOMB! The point here is that I never wanted for anything really. I didn't care or even really notice that I didn't get what other kids did and I didn't go where they went.. my mom provided so much love and support for me in other places that my wanting for monitory things was/is virtually non existant. That still remains true to this day. I could live in an apartment for the rest of my life and drive a shitty Volkswagen and have to budget every Friday for the rest of forever and I would be FINE. So for that.. thanks mom. You da' You da' best. As I have gotten older I value that even more... because I see what money does to people. Some people will NEVER be happy unless they have more than you.. or more than their ex-wife or more than the "new man" in their exes life. That is an awful thing to let determine your happiness. Money is temporary.. here today, gone tomorrow. You shouldn't let something so frail decide the outcome of your eternal happines. Anyway, that is another sermon that I may touch on later AND this paragraph is all kinds of too long.

When I took my mom to NYC as a small thanks for being AWESOME.

Back to the 4 year old Emily story.... So there I am. 4 years old. Wide eyed and grinning. Probably had on some sort of ridiculous leggings and socks on my hands. That was normal attire for me. My mom and I had just walked to the end of the alley that we lived in (told you...super ghetto) to check the mail. This bit of information I was about to spew to my mom had been eating me alive ALL DAY. I just couldn't take it anymore.. I HAD to come clean. So right there, in the middle of the alley... I told on myself like I always did. I look at my mom, all seriousness with tears in my eyes and said "MOM! Remember when I told you I wasn't cheating when we colored those pictures of Rudolph today? Remember how I told you I WAS NOT LOOKING at DJ's Rudolph and I DID NOT color mine all red just because he did? Well mom.. I lied. I did look at his Rudolph and make mine just like his... I'm so sorry momma! I am so so sorry!!".............yes. I was completely heart broken because I had colored my Rudolph solid red solely because the kid in the wheelchair next to me did his that way and I thought it was SO pretty. I was so upset because I had promised mom I didn't do that and she believed me. To you, maybe this isn't a huge deal. "So what Em? You copied his Rudolph." But you don't get it... I had LIED to my mother! I thought I would never be forgiven and I would be forced to live in the cold hard streets alone for the rest of my days. Thankfully what follows isn't half as dramatic as my 4 year old mind made it out to be...

My mom stopped in her tracks, knelt down to get on my 4 year old level and grabbed my hand. Right there under the tall Walnut tree's that shaded my Dog from the sun in the middle of the ghetto ally we lived in she said something that I would hear in my head for the rest of my life. She said "You know that it is important to ALWAYS to tell the truth. Jesus tells us that lying isn't okay. You should always tell the truth. With that being said, honey I still love you. It is a picture of Rudolph and you probably flattered him by copying him. He probably likes you and that is why he told on you. Boys are funny like that. Always doing the opposite of what they should. You will learn that. You will also learn that no matter how hard you try, you will never be perfect.. but you will always have someone that loves you. Now dry those tears up, we have reindeer food to put out. Santa is coming soon and you made the nice list!"

Just like that, it was all fine. With those few words that she said to me that day... everything was right in the world again. Sure, I lied. And yeah... it was wrong. But my mommy STILL loved me. That is why it was okay. My mommy was my best friend and the fact that she still loved me and I was still on the nice list? Pffftt.. life was GREAT.

Now for the part that relates to me now. I still lie. I mean, come on. So do you. Everyone does. I've lied and I have done A LOT of things that I am NOT proud of. Things that have haunted me for years. I have made awful, horrible, bad bad decisions and then paid for them later. I live with the mistakes I have made and I do my best to be a better person today than I was yesterday. But I know that one day.. I will mess up again. I will make a STUPID decision and I will pay for it... that is what life is about.. right? Isn't it about messing up? Falling down, getting back up? I'm rubber, you're glue? Except.. you're not really glue because what you said to me will not always stick to you. It will fall off.. but then it will come back. That my friends is Karma.. and SHE is my friend. :)

I guess what I am trying to say here is I of all people have made some SUPER dumb choices. And I will continue to do so. Short story time.....I won't name any names.. but lets call him "Pant's On Fire". Pant's On Fire recently (within the last month) sent me a Facebook message calling me a liar for something that had ZERO to do with him. He said just about every horrible thing you could say to me in the few messages that we exchanged. I took it, while still defending my innocence and character in as much of a lady like way as possible. I let him vent to me about how horrible of a person I am and I let him get out whatever it was he needed to. I did this for two reasons.. #1 is that I know him. And I know what he has lied about and how awful those lies were. He was lashing out at me for something he THOUGHT that I did... when I knew he had done 13143654321 times worse.. that AND he was also going through a divorce at the time and I know how horrible that is. So if by calling me names is making your day a little better, then you go right ahead my little Pant's On Fire friend. Number 2 reason why I took it is because no matter what he said to me that day, I have heard worse. I have hurt worse. I have been kicked around and drug through worse than he could EVER say to me. And at the end of the day this girl got to curl up in the arms of someone who loved her.. she got to be kissed goodnight and held and told that everything was going to be just fine. And you know what? It was. Everything was fine. And it is fine and I have comfort in the fact of knowing that whatever Pants's On Fire, his friends & family think of me.. it just simply isn't true. And the people that love me, YOU people.. you make it okay. The people that care.

That person that held me that night.. that one that loves me no matter what POF thinks.

Let me end this SUPER long post by saying that no matter what you are going through.. no matter what someone thinks about you or says you did or didn't do. No matter how he makes you feel or what he said to you.. or does to you.. YOU are worth so much more. There ARE people that love you and people that care and it IS going to be okay. I am one of those. If you took the time to read this, I am definitely one of those. Be rubber... let life be glue. Let it roll off of you like snow in Alaska.. don't let other people or things determine your destiny or your happiness. BE RUBBER! BE THE RUBBER!

RUBBER ducky. :)

And your song lyrics for this post because I relate everything to music:

"Sometime's love comes around,

And it knocks you down,

Just get back up with it knocks you down."

I LOVE, LOVE. <3

Love Them When They Don't

I really struggled with this one. I thought maybe it wasn't entertaining enough for the second post or maybe it was too much. But someone told me once "If you aren't doing it with your whole heart then you shouldn't be doing it". This has been heavy on my mind and heart lately.. and I just want to share it with someone who wants to listen. Thank you for reading and thank you for your support!



"...Everything is a risk. Everything.. The only thing you can choose is what you're risking it for."

RIP Herschel. I will miss your words of wisdom.

"Sure.. you could not pursue the one thing that has made you happier than you have ever been. You could. You could back away - back down - give up.. all because yes, it IS a risk. But you won't. You won't because you are no longer a quitter...remember? You will pursue this feeling and you will run after it - full speed ahead. You may fall - but you may not." - Author: to not be named.

The fact of the matter is that  the people I have trusted most to never leave - left. And I am fine now. Have YOU ever been so in love? Have YOU ever just wanted to touch someone? Just FEEL them next to you? Have you ever just wanted to be held? Have you ever been willing to throw everything away for ONE person (plus two little ones).. my answer is no. I haven't. So I think that is how I know that this is different. I know that IF it does work out.. this is it. I know this is different. 

We're going to call this guy ManCandy. He's the one I am all mushy about. <3

So let the people that promised they always would - let them don't when they don't want to. Let the "I told you so's" and the "This is what I was afraid of's" fly. Let them come at you like rain in April.. and don't be bothered. 

Why? 

Because the SAME person that told me "It's your life - own it." Left me do just that. So this IS my life. I DO own it. And even though you have a lot going on.... you are still a priority to me. 

"Kill them with kindness sweetie, cause despite all the unresolved childhood issues and despite all the adulthood terrors and despite all the horrible odds you were born into.. you are STILL full of HOPE and GRACE and LOVE and you STILL have FAITH in the world and you STILL laugh at the little things and you STILL find beauty in negative places. You STILL have the innocence of a child when it comes to life and how horrible it can be. Don't lose that.. don't ever lose that." (A quote from someone that means the world to me, It was in regards to this very situation.)

So kill all the doubters and haters and negative nancys... Kill them and smile. And love them when they love you again. And STILL.. love them when they don't. Because they do need you and they will need you and you will always be there.

No caption needed.

Some people call that state of mind weak or not knowing when to walk away. I call it love...I love the friend and I love the ManCandy. Love makes you do some CRAZY things - cliche saying number 1....But it DOES. You do things you thought you never would all because you love someone. I am the kind of person that wants to have an explanation for EVERYTHING. So one day I googled "Scientific explanation behind love".. I read through a bunch of crap and came up with the explanation of either A-) He is SUPER attracted to my pheromones that my super sexy body puts out without me knowing OR B-) It's magic. I am going with option B. It's just magic. I can't explain it - and I don't know why - and I don't know how - and I couldn't tell you WHEN.. but it is what it just is. It's just magic. And it's a magic that I have never felt. It's a magic that is SO deep in my heart that I couldn't get it out if I tried. No amount of pepto could cure this heart burn - HA. 

To conclude this extremely long gushing of feelings and heart ache and confusion.. let me leave you with this.

1.) You have the power to control the outcome of a situation just by how you respond to it. I wish I would have responded differently to that friend.. but I didn't. And this is where I am.

2.) Emily-Faith Haney is in LOVE and she is SCARED TO DEATH.. but she is going full speed ahead.. cause she isn't a quitter anymore.

3.) Emily-Faith has a best friend that is going to read this and may get very upset.. but she wants her best friend to know that she loves her. 

If I am wrong and if this time is no different... expect a blog post in 1-4 years that wreaks of heartache and bud light.. but that's no where I haven't been. And HERE isn't either.

I wanted to get you on the same love page as me.. and I wanted to let you guys know what I am up against when it comes to this and what this means to me. I promise to make the next one as entertaining and motivating as possible! I love you for even reading this! Let me know what you think!! 

The Dream Behind The Name

Where do I start? Where do most people start with these things..

First off - Let's start with the title of this blog post. "The Dream Behind The Name". I am recently at a newfound place in life where I know who I am and what I want and what I don't want and I want to tell EVERYONE about it!

My name is Emily-Faith.. but everyone calls me Emily, Emmy, Em, Intern Emily, Auntie Em, Brother (there IS a story there) and last but not least - OH MY GOD EMILY!....I get that one a lot.

I work for a small company in the mountains of Tennessee and intern for a nationally owned radio station (shout out to iHeart Radio & Clear Channel Radio!). I landed this radio gig about 4 months ago on a fluke. Ya see, I am a natural entertainer..I am MADE to make people laugh. I call it a gift from God - others call it a curse. That only comes from the ones with ZERO sense of humor. I also have a few other God given traits.. I was born 2 weeks late setting the pace for the rest of my life and I am a QUITTER if I ever met one myself. That is until this radio gig... I haven't quit. I haven't even thought about it.. once I lucked into this thing it hit me like a sack of bricks - "THIS is it.. THIS is what I am supposed to do" I thought. I tell my peeps at the station all the time that when my internship is over I am just never going to leave. They think I am bluffing - they will soon see that I am not. I figure that if I keep the state of mind "this is my only option.." then they will have no other choice than to start paying me one day. Worked for Kyle... didn't it? Boom. Who is Kyle? And Styckman? And Ashley and Joey? Oh.. just the people that unknowingly helped me realize that my dream to entertain isn't as far fetched as I thought. I could gush about them all day.. but we will save that for a later post - when they hire me.

If you have never gotten to experience the feeling of knowing that you know your path in life.. I encourage you to keep looking until you find it. It is the most wonderful feeling I have ever experienced... and being 22 I like to think I have experienced just a few amazing things. A few, but not half as many as I know life will bring me.

So you say I am quiet optimistic? Why thank you! I am. I look at life through rose colored glasses. At my very young age of 22 I have experienced quiet a few horrible, awful, despicable things. My childhood - rough. My first marriage - even worse... but those are things I will get to later. My goal is to reign you into my life as of now, make you fall completely in love and THEN tell you what I came from. I figure it will have a much greater affect that way.

Speaking of love.. It's my favorite drug. From the amazingly talented mouths of Little Big Town...

"I wanna walk that line a little crooked

And live my life a little on the rocks
Laugh at everytime I fell
Not afraid to make a fool of myself
And keep on dancin' when the music stops
'Cause I love being in love
It's the best kind of drug
Drunk on the high
Leanin' on your shoulder
Sweet like wine as it gets older
When I die - I don't wanna go sober"


Every line of that passage describes some part of my life. Being 22 I have been known to be a drunken mess and I LOVE being in LOVE. I know.. cliche.. I get it. But it's true. There is no better feeling than knowing that when you just want to be held.. someone wants to just hold you. It wasn't until recently I found love is a two way street and yes- two people CAN feel the same way about eachother. But that is also a story for later. ;) Am I killing you yet?

I feel like I am rambling now.. I planned for this to be a lot shorter, so I will go and let  you wonder who I am.. and where I came from.. and why they call me brother and who is on the other end of this "two way love street" and why I love a man called "Styckman" and why I am just now wanting to tell my story after 22 hard knock years of living... that last one - that is a doozy.

Ya'll come back now.. ya hear?

xoxo, em.